Archive for lonely

Mind the Track…

Posted in Weekly Wonderings with tags , , , , , , , on 11 August 2013 by misselisabethuk

This week (week 32) I wanted to cover a difficult subject, depression.   Following congestion on the underground due to a person under a train on the Victoria Line this week, I got thinking, why would someone do that?  The only two reasons I could come up with were, that it was an unfortunate accident or that it was intentional.

Which got me thinking about why someone would take their own life.  Wasn’t it avoidable? Where were the person’s family and friends?  What was so bad that their life was a worthy price to pay for the pain or trauma they were feeling, without seeking help?  Probably all the questions their nearest and dearest ask after such a tragedy.

I have had the horrible experience of having a good friend of mine meet his end prematurely due to being hit by a train in a tragic lack of judgement, a drunken accident if you will.  The impact of a life being extinguished prematurely in such a way ripples right through a community of friends (past and present), family, work colleagues, other parties; banks, mortgage providers, council tax, utilities, I could go on but the immense network of events triggered by the loss of just one life is huge.  It sets in motion a series of consequential actions, which can be very far-reaching with varying degrees of impact.

So to turn to those who feel that they have no other option but to take their own life.  Depression is a very dark and lonely place, where normal levels of perspective is distorted.  People who suffer from depression can on a daily basis ‘seem’ very upbeat and positive, and that’s possibly why sometimes the condition can remain concealed.  The mind is a complex area so I don’t want to appear to be generalising and am clearly no expert, but I wanted to provide some food for thought from the examples I have personally witnessed.

I think, in some cases, people who are depressed have not recognised what they are going through and fight against the feelings of loneliness, anxiety and hopelessness, as they cannot comprehend why they would have these feelings as their lives in general will be ok.   Depression is a condition that spirals downwards but can fluctuate rapidly upwards and downwards, it can be a rollercoaster of positivity and negativity even within the same moment.  Without the right level of support from the right people a person could go from ‘Hero to Zero’ to coin a phase some times very quickly.

It is usually accumulative, so to start it is triggered by a specific situation, maybe an argument, negative feedback, high expectations, bereavement to name a few.  The initial trigger is unlikely to be recognised as the start of depression, however, if other triggers happen in succession all of a sudden a state of depression is entered into.

Many people at the start of their depression become withdrawn, which is interesting as they will already have feelings of isolation and loneliness (no-one understands me) so by withdrawing they put themselves in exactly the situation which they feel and reinforces these feelings and this is how things start to spiral downwards.

Good supportive friends and family will force their loved one to go out and be included in activities, which then reverses any feelings of loneliness even if only temporarily it could reverse the depressive downward spiral.  It also opens the door to share what’s on their mind, talking is key to recovery – a problem shared is truly a problem halved.  I am not suggesting the issues faced are small and inconsequential far from it but to share a problem, sometimes saying it out loud can put a different perspective on the issue faced.

Those at risk are those who do not have this support network or those who feel they can cope and go down the road of concealment, which can be very self-destructive and I would urge against this course of action.  For those without support please contact a charity, such as the Samaritans, who are qualified to offer such support, there is always someone you can talk to.

My conclusion for this week is that I need to be supportive of friends and family and be aware that just because someone is wearing a smile on their face it doesn’t mean that everything is smelling of roses.

Until next week have a good one and if you are feeling a bit down, please speak to someone about it!

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Week 14…. positive mistaken identity

Posted in Weekly Wonderings with tags , , , , , , , , , , on 13 April 2013 by misselisabethuk

This week has definitely been a week of personal progress, with an enjoyable positive outing with a friend and targets hit at work my motivation levels were up.  So I wanted to share with you something that happened to me this week, which on reflection was another personal growth moment.

Accosting a stranger (in the non-solicitous sense, obviously)…..

The first time it happened, a while back now, I mistook a man for a family member (seriously!).  I greeted him with something like “fancy seeing you here..”.  Now if I had addressed him in such a manner anywhere else other than at a station ticket machine it would have definitely been mistaken for a cheesy pick up line!  We both realised very quickly that clearly we didn’t know each other and after an apology given and accepted we carried on with our lives as if nothing had happened.  I was so embarrassed I had to put my head down and walk away very quickly, telling myself “that he DID have an uncanny resemblance to the person I thought it was”.  Almost coaching myself through the shock of the whole experience and not really thinking about how I may have affected the other person.

This week another mistaken identity situation happened, I quickly said “Sorry I thought you were someone else” they laughed, I laughed and we walked our separate ways.  It didn’t help that this time it was NOT just a “Hi, how are you?”.  I was so sure that this person was who I thought it was, I went in with “Chatting up young men, again!” as she stood with a tall young man.  Ok, so, I probably apologised more than once on this occasion and thankfully her laughing meant she wasnt going to call the police.  ‘Mistaken identity eh?!’, I thought.

The embarrassed feeling this time, however, didn’t last as long as that first time.  I came to terms with what had happened a lot quicker, the recovery from the incident seemed to pass almost immediately, so it got me thinking…

How does a distraught experience first time round actually become a comfortable feeling in the end, speaking to a complete stranger for no reason, and thinking there’s an opportunity to make new connections here.  From a first case of mistaken identity to maybe a mechanism for easily starting up a conversation with someone you do not know.  By engineering that first contact by using the method of mistaken identity, where people are more likely to be open-minded as they were not the person you were expecting them to be, could give us all an opportunity to make new connections. Definitely a less confrontational way of approaching someone and depending on the person’s response you could at the last-minute decide to pursue or bail out.

The moral of my story is that first experiences however awkward they may feel at the time can become a more comfortable situation.  The more you experience the same situation, the more you can acclimatise yourself to that negative feeling so in the end it doesn’t feel so bad.

This can translate to all parts of your life, just remember the first time is the most special it opens a door to a whole new opportunity/possibility.  So instead of feeling awkward, feel achievement that you accomplished it.  Think how you can use this newly gained positive energy to propel yourself forward to your next first.

Have a great day and please do share your firsts with me, my door is always open..

Numb – Day 3

Posted in Numb with tags , , , , , on 24 December 2012 by misselisabethuk

Today was like an out of body experience, detached, mostly due to my recent lack of sleep.

Watching people going about their business, I stood mute without senses.

My puffy eyes started to go down and I hardly cried at all today.

The heaving crying has now been replaced by deep sighing.

I was very quiet today. Completely out of sorts. Lost.

Questions now occupy my mind, why? when? how? If?

Will I ever be myself again…..?

Numb – Day 2

Posted in Numb with tags , , , , , on 23 December 2012 by misselisabethuk

My face is swollen today from crying most of yesterday.

My heart aches. I’m in an emotional fog.

I exhale and my breath hangs in the air.

I am in slow motion, whilst the world around me rushes past.

Numb – Day 1

Posted in Numb with tags , , , , , on 5 December 2012 by misselisabethuk

Today I cried.

Alot.

I could not stop.

You ripped out my heart.

Old, alone, without a phone…

Posted in I'm dying here.... with tags , , , , on 16 September 2012 by misselisabethuk

She sits in her chair, her breath grows heavy,
reaches for her water, misses, feels giddy.

She falls to the floor no strength to stop her fall,
now she’s lying on the ground staring up at the wall.

Her voice too weak to call for attention,
no-one to check on her, well, no one to mention.

Lying there quitely listening to her breath,
she closes her eyes, waiting for death.

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