Archive for sad

Mind the Track…

Posted in Weekly Wonderings with tags , , , , , , , on 11 August 2013 by misselisabethuk

This week (week 32) I wanted to cover a difficult subject, depression.   Following congestion on the underground due to a person under a train on the Victoria Line this week, I got thinking, why would someone do that?  The only two reasons I could come up with were, that it was an unfortunate accident or that it was intentional.

Which got me thinking about why someone would take their own life.  Wasn’t it avoidable? Where were the person’s family and friends?  What was so bad that their life was a worthy price to pay for the pain or trauma they were feeling, without seeking help?  Probably all the questions their nearest and dearest ask after such a tragedy.

I have had the horrible experience of having a good friend of mine meet his end prematurely due to being hit by a train in a tragic lack of judgement, a drunken accident if you will.  The impact of a life being extinguished prematurely in such a way ripples right through a community of friends (past and present), family, work colleagues, other parties; banks, mortgage providers, council tax, utilities, I could go on but the immense network of events triggered by the loss of just one life is huge.  It sets in motion a series of consequential actions, which can be very far-reaching with varying degrees of impact.

So to turn to those who feel that they have no other option but to take their own life.  Depression is a very dark and lonely place, where normal levels of perspective is distorted.  People who suffer from depression can on a daily basis ‘seem’ very upbeat and positive, and that’s possibly why sometimes the condition can remain concealed.  The mind is a complex area so I don’t want to appear to be generalising and am clearly no expert, but I wanted to provide some food for thought from the examples I have personally witnessed.

I think, in some cases, people who are depressed have not recognised what they are going through and fight against the feelings of loneliness, anxiety and hopelessness, as they cannot comprehend why they would have these feelings as their lives in general will be ok.   Depression is a condition that spirals downwards but can fluctuate rapidly upwards and downwards, it can be a rollercoaster of positivity and negativity even within the same moment.  Without the right level of support from the right people a person could go from ‘Hero to Zero’ to coin a phase some times very quickly.

It is usually accumulative, so to start it is triggered by a specific situation, maybe an argument, negative feedback, high expectations, bereavement to name a few.  The initial trigger is unlikely to be recognised as the start of depression, however, if other triggers happen in succession all of a sudden a state of depression is entered into.

Many people at the start of their depression become withdrawn, which is interesting as they will already have feelings of isolation and loneliness (no-one understands me) so by withdrawing they put themselves in exactly the situation which they feel and reinforces these feelings and this is how things start to spiral downwards.

Good supportive friends and family will force their loved one to go out and be included in activities, which then reverses any feelings of loneliness even if only temporarily it could reverse the depressive downward spiral.  It also opens the door to share what’s on their mind, talking is key to recovery – a problem shared is truly a problem halved.  I am not suggesting the issues faced are small and inconsequential far from it but to share a problem, sometimes saying it out loud can put a different perspective on the issue faced.

Those at risk are those who do not have this support network or those who feel they can cope and go down the road of concealment, which can be very self-destructive and I would urge against this course of action.  For those without support please contact a charity, such as the Samaritans, who are qualified to offer such support, there is always someone you can talk to.

My conclusion for this week is that I need to be supportive of friends and family and be aware that just because someone is wearing a smile on their face it doesn’t mean that everything is smelling of roses.

Until next week have a good one and if you are feeling a bit down, please speak to someone about it!

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Numb – Day 3

Posted in Numb with tags , , , , , on 24 December 2012 by misselisabethuk

Today was like an out of body experience, detached, mostly due to my recent lack of sleep.

Watching people going about their business, I stood mute without senses.

My puffy eyes started to go down and I hardly cried at all today.

The heaving crying has now been replaced by deep sighing.

I was very quiet today. Completely out of sorts. Lost.

Questions now occupy my mind, why? when? how? If?

Will I ever be myself again…..?

Numb – Day 2

Posted in Numb with tags , , , , , on 23 December 2012 by misselisabethuk

My face is swollen today from crying most of yesterday.

My heart aches. I’m in an emotional fog.

I exhale and my breath hangs in the air.

I am in slow motion, whilst the world around me rushes past.

Numb – Day 1

Posted in Numb with tags , , , , , on 5 December 2012 by misselisabethuk

Today I cried.

Alot.

I could not stop.

You ripped out my heart.

Down trodden…

Posted in I'm dying here.... with tags , , , , on 2 October 2012 by misselisabethuk

Low to the ground, low in my heart,
I need a lift or a new start.
Head in the sand, it helps sometimes.
What have I done?  I’ve committed no crimes!

Low to the ground, low in my heart,
the willingness to smile is sometimes a fight.
My tears are warm and fall down from my eyes.
What have I done? I’ve not told any lies!

Low to the ground, low in my heart,
Not even the sun can prompt a new start.
The world is now dull in it’s brightest hour.
What have I done?  I’ve surrendered all power.

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